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Pizza & Regret

by Ted Nguyent

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1.
The jesus painting on our wall is crooked, and he's looking at us sideways. What does this mean? Stepping back to observe, we realize that our house is on a slight slant. Perhaps it's that the foundation's old, and askew to one side- or maybe it means more. You all know the story that Jesus wrote. It's called the bible. But Danzig says they left stuff out, like when jesus was a child, performing magic on the sabbath, so his friend reprimanded him, and so he killed him.
2.
When a law is made, it's written on a bill. It then gets sent to congress, but the law is unmade still. They pass it to the house. They take their merry time. Meanwhile, robbers go unpunished for their crimes. The president will look at it, He'll read it up and down, but there's still something missing, and his name is Judge Joe Brown. Judge Joe Brown is the king of the town, Judge Joe Brown lays the gavel down.
3.
Seabiscuit 01:11
I broke my horse’s leg in the race today. I know it really sucks, but I think it might all be ok. I’ll jack him off real quick before I lay him down to die. I just don’t understand why his leg will never heal. I just don’t understand how my race horse feels. I guess it’s time to let go. And I guess he will be better off anyway, Once I put his sperm inside of a lady horse. I just don’t understand why his leg will never heal. I just don’t understand how my race horse feels. I guess it’s time to let go. Plus I’ll make big bucks cus he’s a thoroughbred. So as he blows his load, I’m gonna shoot him in the head. I’ll see him in heaven.
4.
It ain’t a time, it’s a decibel violation. I don’t want no ladycops.
5.
Its Tuesday night and I'm feeling kinda bored and I've got a craving that just cannot be ignored. My friends come over; they all feel the same way too. They throw their cash in while we crack open some brews Now the waiting game begins, we need it so damn bad. When will the doorbell ring? I know that orders take some time, but my mouth is watering, and we need our pizza pies. The doorbell rings and then we pay the pizza man. We shout for glory, greasy slice within each hand: Thank god it’s dudes night in. (Cheese and boys and beer and boys and beer)
6.
Wake up, roll over on the couch. Can’t get this awful taste out of my mouth. My body hurts, I’m feeling achy everywhere, as I limp across the floor and crawl upstairs. Sit down, lay my head upon my hands. I feel like crap I can’t begin to understand why I did this to myself again. Ready to die, Why can’t this be the end? Indigestion. Always eating pizza with my friends. Feeling sick the morning after but I still like to pretend that I have control over these nights Cheesy addiction wrecked my life.

credits

released July 24, 2011

record by Matthew Klein at Puppytown Technical in early 2011
released on cassette by His Master's Noise Records
Artwork by Max Rosenberg

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Ted Nguyent Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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